i am orange today

So, it's been a while (as usual) since I have written something worth reading, and I feel bad because this blog is the only way that 75% of my family and friends can keep track of what I am up to. So, I can't promise that this post will be meaningful, but I can kind of promise that it will be slightly un-boring. Possibly.

First and foremost, The Classic Crime has a new video for their single, Abracadavers, off their new album The Silver Cord. I LOVE THESE GUYS.



Ah. Love them. Okay, moving on. Though work has been really effed up lately, I have been super busy trying to get a lot of other things done. Whether it's trying to figure out what state i will be living in just 5 short months from now, trying to decide which business opportunity to delve into, or just cleaning and organizing all the shit in my apartment... I feel like I am just swamped. Sometimes I get the feeling that my friends think I am being super lame right now. When they call and ask how I am, the standard response lately seems to be something like, "Uhhhh just cleaning my apartment".

I know they think I am lame. I know that YOU probably think I am as well. But that's fine with me. This has been the strangest year of my life, by a landslide. I am nothing like I used to be, I am like a blurred version of the person I was just 7 months ago. And it makes me sad, because there are so many new people in my life who have no idea how much fun I used to be, how organized and outgoing and carefree I was every single day. Now I am even more over-analytical and uptight (which is terrible because we all know how much of an over-thinker I was already).

I guess ultimately, the biggest thing stressing me out is work. It came as no surprise to me that finding a good film job would be next to impossible right out of art school. Degree or not, there are many kids like me trying to avoid the inevitable, avoid starting from the bottom of the chain, avoid the bitch work that we all hate but know is necessary when you are a nobody (and we are nobody, every single one of us, regardless of the degree we wave in the air).

My friends assured me I had one up on everyone else, because I was one of the few who had a decent, great-looking-on-a-resume film job half a year before I ever graduated. And I agreed, if nothing else I could continue filming and editing for US Figure Skating and have a great start on my film resume.

Perhaps I do have a little more experience than most of the other filmmakers like myself, fresh out of school, scanning craigslist ten times a day hoping to come across that perfect job. Maybe I have one tiny advantage over them, but I am still getting up in the morning, starting the exact same routine they are. You know, spending each day online hoping that I will finally come in contact with a company that sees I am capable of more than being the production crew's errand girl. Maybe I will somehow be able to bypass the bullshit that most aspiring writer/director/shooter types have to go through. Maybe I won't have to run everyone's errands and pick up some random B-actor's coffee every morning for a month while getting paid next to nothing (or, as in most cases, absolutely nothing).

But of course, I am not the only person sitting here trying to find that unicorn. So that leaves me with some big decisions. Do I stay here and keep living at the bottom of the barrel? My friends are here, and that is honestly the only reason I have stuck around. Don't get me wrong, Seattle is where I want to be, I love it here. But I am BROKE. I mean, I have a slightly expensive apartment and am getting by otherwise, but this isn't how I want things to be for myself.

If I went back to Alaska for a while I could get my shit together, get on top of my bills, and work on my writing/filming. But am I really going to be happy back in Alaska? Eh. In some ways yes. I don't know, suddenly I feel a bit overwhelmed with my thoughts again, so I am going to go watch some terrible sitcoms and make some lunch. Next post won't be so crazy. And maybe I will finally get all those pictures from the last few weeks up! Fun!

capitol hill block party photos

Alright Hayley (and everyone else of course), I finally posted pictures from Block Party. More details to follow, but for now here's something to look at.